Intimate life is a huge ingredient to your success in emotional, physical and social health and well-being. Without connecting on the intimate level, we by-pass one of the most disregarded health issues – sexual side of a person’s story and living.
Talking about sexual health, orgasm, pleasure has been a huge tabu for centuries, in many ways and forms. This day and age, we do have more freedoms and an open society that supports an overall well-being of a whole person, sexual health included.
I have invited an amazing woman Kelli Young, MEd, BScOT, OTReg.(Ont.), Registered Psychotherapist (CRPO), Registered Sex Therapist (BESTCO) and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (AAMFT/OAMFT) to speak to our women-focused audience about a healthy sexual life: sex, orgasms, relations. These are all part of our happy and joyful life and our innate, given by nature, right to enjoy our bodies while connecting to another human being on the deepest level ever.
Some things you may want to know about Dr. Kelli Young.
As a strong believer of the importance of life-long learning, Kelli routinely participates in courses and training activities to enhance her therapeutic skills. Additionally, she
has published articles in both professional journals and popular media, and has lectured internationally on topics related to sexuality and couple relationships.
Kelli practices in Toronto, Canada where she works with individuals and couples, helping them to overcome obstacles and build intimacy and connection in their relationships.
Kelli has been happily married for more than 22 years. She and her husband live in Toronto with their 2 teenage daughters.
Registered Psychotherapist (CRPO)Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (AAMFT/OAMFT)Registered Sex Therapist (BESTCO)
As a sex therapist, I meet many women who are generally dissatisfied with their sex lives. One of the most common complaints that I hear from women is that they don’t have orgasms during sex with their partners. In fact, it is not only in my practice that I hear about these concerns. Women that I meet socially will frequently pull me aside and very quietly confide: “I don’t have orgasms during intercourse.”
Sadly, these women usually feel very alone in their experience. They worry that there must be something wrong with them. But the truth is, most often there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. The vast majority of women, upwards of 75% do not reliably orgasm through intercourse.
Why don’t most women orgasm during intercourse?
The main reason seems to have to do with basic anatomy. Most women need direct stimulation on and around the clitoris in order to reach orgasm. However, the vast majority of women do NOT get adequate clitoral stimulation through intercourse alone to bring them to orgasm.
There is research dating back to the 1920’s that explores the possible relationship between a woman’s ability to orgasm with intercourse, and the location of her clitoris relative to her vagina. The results of that research indicate that if a woman’s vagina is less than 2.5 cm (roughly the length from the tip of the thumb to its first knuckle) away from her clitoris, she can potentially get enough stimulation on the clitoris just from the in and out movement of a penis in the vagina to trigger an orgasm.
Therefore, this so-called “rule of thumb” suggests that if your clitoral-vaginal distance (or CV distance) is less than 2.5 cm, you may be one of the lucky ones who can orgasm through intercourse. But as luck would have it, this ideal CV distance seems to be a relatively rare phenomenon.
For most women, the clitoris is further away from the vagina and doesn’t get nearly enough stimulation through penetrative sex alone to trigger an orgasm.
Sounds unfair? Absolutely!
That’s why I created the bee2gether vibe!
As a healthcare and helping professional, it just didn’t sit right with me that the majority of otherwise normal and healthy women don’t reach orgasm during penetrative sex with their partners. So, I donned all of my professional hats (occupational therapist, psychotherapist, sex therapist, and marriage and family therapist) to develop a solution to this problem and level the sexual “playing field.”
Essentially, I wanted to help women to truly “be together” with their partners in their enjoyment of sex – that’s why I created the bee2gether vibe. The bee2gether vibe is a unique and innovative couples’ sex toy that is revolutionizing the way women experience sex with their partners.
The bee2gether vibe has a silicone penis ring attached to a vibrating extension that is ergonomically designed to pleasure the genitals of both partners during intercourse. Its unique patent-pending “Pleasure Zone Design” ensures that the woman receives targeted and customized clitoral stimulation, allowing her to experience her highest states of arousal and orgasm during intercourse.
And the bee2gether vibe has a wireless hand-held remote that gives the user full control over the intensity and mode of the vibration, for a truly personalized sexual experience. Men also love the feeling of the bee2gether vibe, and many report experiencing firmer, longer-lasting erections and more powerful orgasms.
Other tips to increase your sexual pleasure
Get to know your own body
It is important for you to have a good sense of your own body and the types of sensations that you enjoy, so that you will be in a better position to guide your partner in pleasuring you. Self-pleasuring (masturbation) is normal, healthy, and good for you!
Talk
Speak openly and honestly with your partner about you sexual needs and desires. Let you partner know how you like to be touched and pleasured. Also be sure to keep an open dialogue about other issues in your relationship that need to be worked through—irritations and frustrations have a way of following you into the bedroom!
Plan and prioritize your sexual relationship
Life gets busy, so it’s easy for sex to fall to the back-burner. Make “dates” for intimacy, and plan ahead so that you can you can set the mood and transition into a more erotic headspace—After all, the brain is our largest sex organ!
Use a sexual lubricant
Sex is so much more fun and arousing when it is slippery! Also, as women age they produce less natural vaginal lubrication, so using a sexual lubricant can restore moisture to the vagina and make sex more comfortable and enjoyable for both partners.
Be playful and try new things
Doing the same ol’ thing over and over can become pretty boring. If you want to spice up your sex life, try something new and exciting: add a new position, play some sexy music, get some hot lingerie, read an erotic story… a vibrating sex toy can really add some spark in the bedroom!
16 thoughts on “HOW-TO Increase Pleasure In Your Intimate Life”
This is such an amazing article and helpful to the women out there to express their feelings.
It’s so great your covering this topic! So many women fear & won’t discuss this especially with their partner.
This is such an amazing and interesting article. I think it was a good idea to have an open conversation with your partners. Because it will strengthen a relationship, and it will solve their problems.
I think it is so important that women are open and have conversation, it can only strengthen a relationship. this was an awesome post!
Thanks for this open post, I really appreciate women, that talk openly about anything that has to do with intimacy. Great post, thank you!
It is awesome you are embracing such an important topic, for many still the idea of talking about intimacy is hard.
Wow! This is a great post! Every woman should read this to build more strong relationship.
In the end, intimacy is all about trust. It’s a journey to be comfortable enough with yourself to share that with someone else.
Cynthia,
Yes, Trust is the one thing that we base our relationships on.
No trust, no nothing, as one person would say.
I’m so lucky to not have issues. It’s such a huge part of a great relationship!
Chelsea,
It is more than luck to maintain a great loving relationship in your life.
It is work of heart and soul and trusting each other.
It’s great that women are now having more open conversations about sexual health and pleasure. It’s definitely a topic that has been taboo for too long.
Nellwyn,
In a male-dominated society, women have been literally fighting for their rights to be equal members of it.
Enjoying intimacy is the birth right of every person living.
It’s great that she is there to help people with this. Sounds like something that could help many.
I give you credit for posting on this subject. Most will not for fear of reader rejection. I will pass this link on to others that may need it. I think this was a fabulous idea, I however, am past menopause and currently live alone.
Hello Gladys,
There are a lot of topics that our society is still closed to discuss openly, freely, without being ashamed of.
If we put shame in front of our health and well-being, I am in a huge disagreement with this way of living.
My blog is all about supporting our women in the aspects that others seem to shy away from.
Our intimate life is our personal business.
The more we know, the more empowered we are to take care of our health and relationships. And both of them are the things that bring us joy and happiness.
Thank you for your kind and supportive comment, Gladys!