Jaunique Sealey has experienced the setbacks first-hand. Not once, not twice, several times. Each and every time, she drew her strategies to boost her internal resources with valuable lessons not to give up on her dreams. She learned to quit without giving into the feeling of defeat. Here are valuable thoughts for those of us who need to get back on track and be infused with fresh energy and power to regroup and march on.
The truth is, every attempt is not going to be the winning shot. Given unlimited time, resources and energy, you can accomplish absolutely anything you set out to do, even without finding the optimal way to get there. That said, and this is very important, we do not have unlimited time, resources or energy. Whatever we choose to put our efforts toward will necessarily take away from something else that we could also pursue.
For this reason, our minds, similar to our bodies, are always taking us through the “is it worth it?” exercise, forcing us to constantly evaluate the cost of any effort we exert. In fact, it is often that “is it worth it?” question that derails us from an otherwise worthwhile pursuit because the weight of that question combined with any doubts lingering in our minds can often be too heavy to bear. As a result, we drop some of our best ideas and efforts because that single shred of doubt becomes magnified by the normal course of questioning in our own minds.
The reality is that some projects you attempt should at some point come to a conclusion, even before your actual goal is met. For whatever the reason, the attempt will be incomplete; perhaps due to missing resources, like time, money, knowledge, or even physical or emotional energy. An incomplete attempt does not mean a final end to an incomplete goal, dream or ambition.
It just means that it may be time for you to pause, gather yourself, let the emotions come and pass, so that you can heal and start again with an improved plan. I’m going to discuss how you can quit without ever giving up.
The word “quit” is something that we shun and turn away from in contemporary society. Its connotation is one of loss, of defeat, and of being overwhelmed by circumstances that could not be surmounted. It is the very foundation of being a Failure: a quitter.
We generally only want to quit when things are going badly. Very few people, other than those with superhuman discipline at the tables in Vegas, have any desire to quit while they are ahead. Instead, the desire to quit comes at a moment of loss, of setback coupled with overwhelming negative and painful emotions.
Some of that pain and negative emotion is caused by the sting of losing, and some by the cascade of negative thinking that we explored earlier. The desire to quit is the mind’s reaction to negativity, looking for the quickest end to the pain and discomfort. The desire to quit, boiled down, is a reactionary force seeking to direct us back to the comfort that we knew before we stumbled.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to quit – it is a natural reaction to a negative circumstance. Where you stand to lose is not choosing how and when you quit. To quit in direct response to negative emotion is the very essence of giving up. It is allowing your negative feelings to push you towards comfort, giving in to your mind’s assessment that you are in danger by pursing goals that are still out of reach.
Affording yourself the ability to choose how, when and if you quit is the very essence of the regroup concept I am a proponent of – to enter a space where you never have to give up, even if you do decide, on your own terms and in your own timing, to quit. It is a space free from the pressure of negative emotions. You absolutely can quit and not give up, so long as you quit truly by choice.
The never quit on your worst day rule is a great standard to follow because it recognizes the reality that quitting may be a practical solution, but also emphasizes that it must be you, not your subconscious mind and not your emotions that makes the decision.
Quitting can be a process, a rewarding one, if you approach it that way. In order to do that, at the time of a setback, given the strong negative emotions and thoughts that swirl, if you feel like you want to quit, the first thing to do is allow that feeling and entertain the thought. Don’t act on the impulse, but engage in the purely mental exercise.
Assume that you were going to act on how you feel. In this particular circumstance, what would it mean to quit? Does it mean affirmatively doing something? Does it mean not doing something? Does it mean not fulfilling an existing obligation? Is the next immediate step to take something that you absolutely cannot do, or is it something that you simply do not want to do?
To develop quitting as an option, you’ll need to evolve a “quitting plan” for yourself.
This sets up your terms for quitting, your where, when and how to protect your interests, and your integrity. It allows you to honor your feelings and carefully evaluate your desire to quit. But, in the same token, it prevents your feelings from controlling you.
The first step in your quitting plan is to select the date on which you’ll quit. If the process of developing continuing as an option doesn’t create benefits that outweigh quitting, then pick a day to make the final call. I suggest giving yourself at least thirty days. That amount of time affords a long enough window to give random and possible favorable surprises a chance to happen that could change your circumstances. Aside from allowing chance to swing in your favor, you want to capture the full benefit of any personal growth and learning during this time.
Reaching the point that you want to quit is tantamount to reaching the point where your muscles start to ache in the gym. You haven’t yet reached the point of muscle failure, where you actually couldn’t physically manage to lift the weight again even with all of your effort. You’re simply at the place where the pain is starting to build and the discomfort has made itself known as a pressing concern.
As most trainers will tell you, this is actually the point of transformation.
That discomfort is the signal that you’ve reached the threshold of the narrow range of opportunity. This is the time to make the most of your experience, to push as far as you can toward transformation to see the results of your work. As long as you can stand it, try to stay there to extract the benefit of the lessons that you have earned.
No matter how long you decide, once you have your date, you can return to developing the further details of quitting beyond the obvious, like your how and what next steps you’ll need to consider in continuing toward your goal.
Once you have made the decision to quit, and to quit responsibly, there’s nothing more for you to worry about. Shift your energy to what’s ahead of you rather than what you’ve placed in your rear-view mirror.
Be Inspired To Take 1st Step – Please RETWET!
— Celebrate Woman (@DiscoverSelf) May 13, 2017
Check Out Jaunique Sealey’s Book
REGROUP: The How-To of Never Giving Up