HOW-TO Go From Grief To Gratitude
Everyone’s grief journey is different… and the ability to emerge with your soul intact is dependent upon your willingness to do the excruciatingly difficult work that grieving requires. It is a long and lonely process, and no-one can accept the reality of YOUR loss for YOU… it is something that you must do for yourself. One of the things I’ve learned on my journey is that love is a force so powerful that it transcends death. – Joanne Fink
Here’s the alarming statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau to consider:
• Approximately 700,000 women lose their husbands each year and will be widows for an average of 14 years.
• 259 Million widows suffer in silence worldwide over the loss of a loved one.
Losing a loved one is one of life’s most devastating challenges. Sometimes, there is nothing a widow needs more than the reassuring voice of someone who has been down this path before.
We turned to the renowned designer and author of the upcoming book When You Lose Someone You Love, Joanne Fink for some practical HOW-TO action steps that would support and comfort us during the grieving process. Joanne lost her best friends and husband of 29+ years Andy in 2011. She has experienced it first-hand, within herself what it feels and takes to be in the grieving process.
Below are a few ways you can support someone who may be going through the grieving process.
HOW-TO Support Someone Grieving
1. Understand that you can’t fix this
There isn’t anything you can say or do to bring the person who died back. All you can do is accompany your loved one on their grief journey.
2. Reach out and continue to reach out
The grieving process takes a LOT longer than you can possibly imagine if you haven’t gone through it. Don’t expect someone to ‘get over it’ in a few weeks or months.
3. Listen
Part of the grieving process involves telling the story of how your loved one died… and then telling the story of how they lived.
4. Don’t worry about finding ‘the right words’
Simply saying “I’m so sorry for your loss” and giving a hug can bring great comfort.
5. Don’t be afraid to mention the name of the person who died
Creating a safe space to talk about their loved one won’t upset someone who is bereaved. Sharing stories and photographs can help them keep the legacy of their loved one alive.
6. Provide practical assistance
Don’t say ‘call me if you need anything’… people who are grieving are often disoriented and have trouble remembering things. They may not even remember that you offered to help, and even if they do remember, they probably won’t want to impose on you.
Instead, call and say “I’m on my way to the supermarket and am bringing you bread, eggs and milk– what else do you need?”
7. Firsts are REALLY hard – Acknowledge them!
Doing something for the first time without your loved one is incredibly difficult. Whether its going back to work, going on a trip or going to a party, it can help to have someone recognize and acknowledge these firsts.
If you are making a holiday dinner, invite the person who is grieving. They may leave early, or choose not to come, but knowing someone cares enough to reach out to you means a lot.
8. Remember special dates
Birthdays, both of the person who died and the person you are supporting, and anniversaries are milestones on your grief journey. Put these dates – and the date of death – in your calendar so you can call, text, or send a card. It will make more of a difference than you can possibly imagine.
Pick Up the Book When You Lose Someone You Love by Joanne Fink in June. We will also be doing a follow-up with giveaways from this renowned author and designer.
Losing someone is one of the difficult things to accept in our life. This post is such a great read for those who are taking it in a hard way. Thanks for sharing this.
Such an important topic that many are afraid to address publicly. I think there are no rules for everyone to follow and one needs to adjust to their situation. I just know that there will always be light where there was darkness. Our experiences make us stronger.
It’s tough as it to see someone grieving and it would be nice to lessen what their going through by being there for them. These are all lovely ideas! I think it’s awesome to be able to help out.
You’ve given some great advice in this post. Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with
Thanks for sharing these tips. It’s so hard to support someone else in pain, it’s good to know how to help.
What an emotional post! I find difficult to help people who are grieving as I know that I can’t fix the situation. I prefer to listen and help as much as I can.
What a really great post. These are really great and really important tips everyone should keep in mind!
This was wonderfully written and very thoughtful. Everyone grieves differently so it was nice to write different ways that different folks who grief might find a way to cope. Thanks for writing this.
This would be a very valuable suggestions. This is a very encouraging post on how someone can cope of with grief. I guess each an everyone has their way on how to cope up with things.
Very helpful tips! It’s very important to support someone who is grieving.
It is so difficult when someone is grieving to be able to reach out to them. I remember trying to deal with my ex as she was suffering over the loss of her brother. Remembering dates is important.
This is such an important topic, and honestly one that always leaves me at a loss for words. I want to say something in support, but never know how to convey that. I let them know they can reach out to me if needed, or that I’m here for them if they need me – but feel it’s never enough
This is a much needed post. I know for me, I have never gone through this so it’s hard for me to know what to do . This post is full of really good advice for those of us who haven’t been there before.
Thank you for this post. I know how difficult it is when we grieve especially when we lost someone we deeply love.
Wow. This is really beautiful. I loved this because so many times, I do not know how to help someone that is grieving. My mom lost both of her parents and it was hard for me because I didn’t know what to say or how to comfort her without her being even more upset.
This is such an important topic! I have lost all three of my parents. Dad, mom, and step-dad. Miss them every day, but I remember all the good I had with them and talk about them often 😊.
Jacqui,
It is unbearable and just a very persisting reminder that these people are not here with us, in this physical world. The tears inside seem to find their way to the surface every time we are thinking about them. And yet, we need and should find a way forward.
I am lucky in the sense that I have not had to deal with losing anyone close to me. I do know that this is going to be a difficult experience.
Everyone grieves differently. lol these idea are wonderful but you can’t go down a list. Certain things work and some won’t. Just be a true friend.
Candy,
Agree with you – everyone of us is so unique how we go about our lives.
These are pure suggestions from the experience of the one who had to deal with it and her perspective. Being connected and talking to the people with the similar experiences does make our life richer and gives us hints and new angles on the same or similar situations.
These are great tips! It can be so hard to know what to do in situations like this!
This post is filled with such great advice! Thanks for sharing <3