There is a smell, a definite odor inside a Volvo that makes you skinny.
Maybe it’s the leather.
Or it could be that boxy exterior shape that changes the interior dynamics.
Maybe there is a secret post-hypnotic suggestion CD running subliminally in the background on the in-car stereo.
Maybe it’s because the recent president of Volvo was a woman.
Definitely – it is something that makes you skinny that comes from the inside of a Volvo. How else to explain that every person that steps out of a new Volvo is skinny (and don’t tell me they give away free lipo with every purchase).
New Volvo Owners are Skinny
The proof is easy to see. Just look at new Volvo owners. Skinny. Damn. And I just bought a new Honda Pilot.
It’s sort of like the inverse law of diamond rings. If you’re under forty, and you have a huge 5 carat diamond on your hand, you are for sure skinny. Big diamonds seem to make you skinny too (but only if you’re under 40 – after that it seems to stop working its magic).
So, if you have a big diamond, and you’re under 40, PLUS own a new Volvo – well that’s just the ticket to skinny-dom. Double thin-makers there.
As I think about it, maybe the smell of a new Volvo leather interior, plus the weight of a huge ring, combine to make you less hungry. That’s it, I am sure of it. Volvo. Big rock. No hunger.
Eau-de-Mom In Law
It’s sort of like a visit from my mother-in-law and sex. Who can make love when your mother-in-law is in the next room? In fact, I once contemplated selling an aerosol can called “Eau-de-Mom In Law”. When sprayed on a bed ten minutes before bedtime, there was no way you could have sex. I thought it was the perfect birth control device. No harmful hormones, and no after-effect. It was the quintessential anti-aphrodisiac. My lawyer husband shot it down. He didn’t think I could get a patent on it, as it was an “obvious invention by practitioners of the art”. Anyway, he convinced me to wait until Mom was long gone.
So, the point of that last story is that some things just make you think something that, at the time makes a lot of sense, but, upon reflection is non-sensical. New Volvo’s and skinny is one of those things. Do they really go together?
Why? I keep asking myself. How could that be? Saab and Cadillac, and Chevrolet and Ford, and BMW’s don’t come with a skinny guaranty. Volvo sure does.
So, let’s dig down into the facts. There is an important weight loss story here somewhere.
And sure enough, there is.
For a moment did you buy the Volvo scenario – even for a smidgen of a second did it start to make the tinniest little bit of sense that skinny people own new Volvos? What about the diamond ring and being skinny concept – even the barest hint of thought that there was a potential correlation (for whatever reason your imagination conjured up)?
And that aerosol spray, Eau-de-Mom in Law, any sliver of truth to that?
Apricot Pits
I once gave a two-day seminar in Honolulu to a large group of health-seekers. I secretly handed out some short scripts to trusted confederates. At odd intervals, the scripts would have a person make a claim about apricot pits. The first undercover agent said (for no apparent reason) “I once ate about 10 apricot pits and it cured my hay fever.”
Then another person would say about a half hour later, that it cured their lombaigo. About an hour later a different person spoke up, and talked about how they quit their heart medicine due to the miraculous gifts of copious quantities of apricot seeds.
After about 7-8 of these apparently unsolicited testimonials over two days, each apparently more wondrous than the last, I finally asked the group if any one else had heard similar miraculous stories. Within minutes I had six or seven non-confederates who freely offered their stories of cures from apricot seeds. Most were better stories than the planted ones.
Finally, one of the most respected persons in the room, a great gray-haired Hawaiian gentleman, told the story of how his grandmother, taking her last breaths, asked for some apricot seed purée. She lived another two years. The room fell silent with awe and respect.
You see, we all are looking for an easy answer. A miracle. Something that can take the responsibility off our shoulders and give us an easier path to controlling our hunger, to weighing less permanently. Who doesn’t?
That universal reaction to new ideas, unfounded claims, is fertile ground for unscrupulous marketers. More importantly, it says something about you, and me. It says we don’t trust what we already know. It says we have failed to eat less, despite all the conventional wisdom we have swallowed.
We’ve Stopped Believing in Our Own Sense of Truth
Somehow you and I, and the whole lot of us, have gotten off the path. We have stopped believing in our own sense of truth – stopped, somehow, believing in ourselves, at least when it comes to weight loss.
So, we grasp at apricot pits, and diamond rings, and Volvos (Weight Watchers, and Fresca and bacon, and scarce African bushes, and secret Chinese teas, and ….) just long enough to have them fail quickly before our eyes. And we end up believing even less in our sense of truth when it comes to this subject.
If you want to control your appetite, if you really want to eat less – to weigh less, you have to start over.
You have to start believing in yourself. Again.
There is a way, in this world of uncertainty, to weigh less. Perhaps the women with big diamonds are on to something. Maybe the skinny people chose the Volvo, and not the other way around. Maybe the essence of Mother-in-Law spray can really prevent unwanted pregnancies. Maybe.
Believe in What Your Body is Telling You
But you never know until you start trusting your inner sense of right and b-s. Because you will never have enough years to try out all the new things, the ancient remedies, and scientifically proven. You have to come to trust your inner instincts. And believe in what your body is telling you.
Your body is the ultimate truth teller. It cannot lie (although it may seem to fib, at times). Your weight is a truth detector. Your hunger is a powerful indicator. Listen to them. If you want to control your appetite, listen to what you recently ate. If you are hungry too soon, you ate the wrong thing. It’s going to make you fatter.
That is not the full story of how you can control your appetite. But it begins there. It is a very good beginning. And it, for certain, is a lot better than relying on apricot seeds and new Volvos.
Find your sense of truth. Begin there. Step-by-step you will get to where you want to be.
How do you control your appetite?
Conclusion 15: Get a Volvo!
Next article…
How do you control your appetite?
Rule 16: Spend all your cash. Max out your credit cards.
©2009 Laura Gontchar. All Rights Reserved.
