It can be very scary to realize that your child might be struggling with a drug or alcohol problem. Often as parents, our own worry and frustration can get in the way of having open, honest conversations with our kids. We might not want to seem like we’re being overbearing or disrespectful of their emerging adulthood. And yet, it is super important to be able to voice your concerns if you believe your child is abusing alcohol or drugs.
Truly, this is a matter of life and death. Many of us have heard of the opioid epidemic and seen the statistics stating that over 90 people die each day from opioid overdoes, mostly from heroin or fentanyl. But did you know that 80% of heroin users began using opioids in pill form, like Vicodin or Percocet?
The National Institute of Health states that prescription drugs like these are some of the most commonly abused substances for high schoolers. Alcohol consumption can also be very dangerous. Excessive drinking of alcohol accounts for almost 4,500 deaths every year for kids under the age of 21, and the NIH estimates that almost 20% of college students meet the criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder.
It is very important to have a conversation with your child if you think they might be abusing drugs or alcohol, especially if your child has experienced negative consequences – like falling grades, missing school or work, or losing touch with healthy friends.
For best results, schedule a time to talk with your child when you can be alone together in a quiet place.
Here are a few more HOW-TO tips that can help in your conversation with your child.
1. Focus On Your Concern. Avoid Blame And Shame.
It is important to avoid finger-pointing and rehashing of the past, or your message may get lost. Plainly state that you are concerned for their health and wellbeing. You can say something like, “I can see that you’re struggling. It’s hard for me to watch you self-destruct.” If you feel that you’ll have trouble having the conversation without getting too emotional, it can help to write down what you’d like to say beforehand, and even read off of the paper if you need to.
2. Be Prepared For Avoidance.
Adolescents and young adults do not have fully developed brains, and they often feel immortal.
Be prepared for your child to say, “I’m fine mom. I’m only partying a little like everyone else. It’s no big deal.”
If they begin to make excuses or they begin to blame you or other people for why they have a problem, don’t get stuck in an argument. Continue to reinforce that you can see they are struggling, and that you want to help them find the right kind of support so that they don’t have to keep struggling.
3. Have A Plan In Place – For Your Child And For You.
Before starting the conversation, reach out to a mental health professional or addiction specialist in your area and identify what support resources are available for your child. Have a list of possible therapists or counselors that your child can choose from. And, be prepared to do your part. Substance abuse affects the whole family system. Many parents find it helpful to attend Al-Anon meetings in their area in order to both find a supportive community and learn about healthy boundaries.
Know that you are not alone. One in seven people struggle with drug or alcohol addiction in their lifetime. Many folks with substance use issues began using and abusing alcohol and drugs at an early age. If you can have these difficult conversations as soon as you see the signs, you could save your child, and your family, many years of hardship.
It can be very scary to realize that your child might be struggling with a drug or alcohol problem. Often as parents, our own worry and frustration can get in the way of having open, honest conversations with our kids. We might not want to seem like we’re being overbearing or disrespectful of their emerging adulthood. And yet, it is super important to be able to voice your concerns if you believe your child is abusing alcohol or drugs.
One in seven people struggle with drug or alcohol addiction in their lifetime. Many folks with substance use issues began using and abusing alcohol and drugs at an early age. If you can have these difficult conversations as soon as you see the signs, you could save your child, and your family, many years of hardship.
Holly Daniels, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, meditation teacher and mental health advocate. She is now the Clinical Systems Director at Sober College, visit HERE, and brings her many years of experience working in dual diagnosis treatment to her role. Holly believes it is very important to have a conversation with your child if you think they might be abusing drugs or alcohol, especially if your child has experienced negative consequences – like falling grades, missing school or work, or losing touch with healthy friends. How to Have the Addiction Conversation with Your Child reveals her tips on how to approach this difficult conversation.
7 thoughts on “How to Have the Addiction Conversation with Your Child”
This is good information. Also, if you know a teen is using drugs of any sort, don’t hesitate to contact their parent(s). Many times a parent is unaware of what is going on, because the teen may not be showing anything so obvious, or has “explained” away, and signs.
Addiction is one of a big issue that every country it dealing it right now. Bad news it is getting worst, if anyone has same problem seek for help.
I have been fortunate with my kids. Although we have sat down and talked about peer pressure and the dangers of drugs and alcohol, I haven’t had to talk to them about quitting an addiction problem. The kids seem to be getting younger and younger, it’s a very sad reality. I am glad you posted this though. It’s a great reminder to have continuous chats with the kids.
There are so many things to be concerned about in the world. And kids are being exposed to things at a younger and younger age. So important to make sure we have these conversations!
Additiction can be such a scary thing. It really is important that we teach our children about how addiction can take over someone’s life. In fact, it’s really important that we teach them prevention to avoid the plague of addiction.
I think that this kind of conversation is really important to have with your kids. Addiction is a monster that rules many different lives and if we can educate our children on the risks and the consequences, we can at least try to prepare them properly.
My kids are still young in age but to think about having this conversation with them is definitely scary. I’d rather have the conversation though instead of dealing with possible addiction later in life. Thanks for the post , very informative.